


The art of regretting your lifechoices

by RedWritingHood



Series: Undertown (stories specifically for Matt bc I love him) [4]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:06:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29855769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedWritingHood/pseuds/RedWritingHood
Summary: After ending up in the hospital, Fizzy continues to make questionable decisions.
Series: Undertown (stories specifically for Matt bc I love him) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2194929
Kudos: 2





	The art of regretting your lifechoices

"Hey, cousin!" Fuzzy greeted cheerfully. "Heard you were in the hospital and came to visit ya." She craned her neck, peering around the room. "I see Aunt Floozy ain't been by. No kissy-faced blow-up dolls or indecently shaped 'Get Well Soon' balloons in sight."  
  
"When Aunt Floozy's parents named her, they did it right," Fizzy agreed.  
  
"Or she just plain decided to live up to her name," Fuzzy said.  
  
"Or that."  
  
"Always did feel bad for Aunt Fornication," Fuzzy mused.  
  
Fizzy shook her head. "Poor Aunt Cate. Always was the most modest outta all of us. Never did know how she could be Aunt Floozy's little sister. They're as alike as a little baby bird and a mangy tabby cat."  
  
"A tabby cat that makes like a friendly Australian and calls everyone 'mate'," Fuzzy added.  
  
"And then there's Aunt Edna."  
  
"What was she thinking, marrying into our family?"  
  
"More like, what was Uncle Flambe thinking?"  
  
"Uncle Flambe," Fuzzy sighed. "Now there's a man who knows his way around a grill."  
  
"I'd say it was meant to be, but we all know his parents really thought it was just a fancy French word for arson."  
  
There was silence.  
  
Fizzy tried to suffocate herself with her pillow.  
  
Fuzzy snatched it away. "Fizzy Mitts Wranewarner, do not kill yourself just so you won't have to be alive when the family comes to visit!" She dug out her phone. "Use blackmail instead."  
  


* * *

  
"This is Blue Bourne, reporting from--"  
  
_Ring!_  
  
"Hold on a minute . . . Hello? Oh, hey. Yeah, I'm doing fine. You're not still bitter about the job, are you?" Pause. "You want me to _what_?! I don't have the authority--" She paled. "I absolutely do have the authority. Yessir. Uh, ma'am. General. Consider it done." She fumbled to close her phone, then slowly looked at the camera.  
  
After another pause, she cleared her throat. "This is Blue Bourne, reporting from Dying Oak Street. I've just been blackmailed for reasons that will have to wait for my memoirs. To keep my privacy, I'm going to have to do shameless, humiliating things which will most likely leave my pride in the gutter, along with its friends, Ego and Vanity." She waved to the viewers. "So come on, gang! Follow me so you can watch it all right there at home!"  
  


* * *

The ratings went through the roof.

* * *

  
  
"Excuse me, could you please tell me which room is my niece's? It should be around here. Her name is Fizzy Mitts. She was on TV recently."  
  
"I'm sorry, ma'am, I think you've got the wrong hospital," the nurse said politely. "There's no one on the register by that name."  
  
"Oh?" Floozy Argentinia Wranewright furrowed her brow. "I could have sworn she was checked into this one."  
  
"Try the Hospice of the Merciful Sisters," the nurse suggested. "If she's not there, try calling some of your friends or relatives."  
  
"Thank you very much," Floozy purred. "Now... would it be too forward to ask your name?"  
  
"Blue--err..." The nurse coughed. "Blue . . . m. I mean... Bloom Shroom of Doom. Ma'am."  
  
Floozy stared for a moment. Then she shrugged. "I've heard worse. How about lunch?"  
  
Bloom Shroom of Doom blinked, slowly. She said, "I've got a cameraman. He follows me around. He can't bear to be apart from me. Especially off-camera."  
  
Floozy leered. "Ooh? Have him join us, then. Sounds like fun."  


* * *

  
The next day, Blue cried tears of joy when she saw the ratings.  
  
Fizzy just plain cried.


End file.
